24 Nov 2008
The day following Thanksgiving is similar to the day after a national election. The question on everyone’s mind is, now what do we do with this turkey?
The big difference between these two days is simply the distinction between roasting and roosting, although, at times I am tempted to roast the roosting turkey. One turkey goes into the refrigerator while the other goes into a deep freeze. Our founding fathers, or whoever made the decision, did us all a favor by establishing Washington, D.C. as the roosting place for national politicians. After all, who wants to live next door to one?I really do not mind all those politicians living in Washington. In fact, I much prefer it. I only wish there could be a law enacted to keep them there and maybe allow them out once a year for a good, old fashion “turkey shoot.” This could replace football as the national sport.
The difference between the two turkeys is one gobbles while the other one garbles.
Have you ever listened to a political speech that really made sense? When a politician says, “I feel your pain,” it is the same as a husband saying to his eight and a half month pregnant wife, “I know what you are going through.” Both have no idea what they are saying and hope nobody will ask for clarification.
If only the political turkey would really talk turkey, maybe, just maybe, something would really get done in our country. The only language a political turkey speaks is double talk. This is the only way the American people can get more for their money. Personally, I would be willing to pay more and get less. A lot less!
It is my opinion, and I may be alone here, that the hole in the ozone is directly related to all the political hot air during a national election year. This year there has been no shortage of gas, especially laughing gas. There must be somewhere for all that gas to escape. For everybody’s sake, do not close that hole!
Another difference between these two turkeys is, one is stuffed while the other is rather stuffy.
Something metaphysical takes place when a person announces his candidacy for a national political office. It is in this area that I am a firm believer in evolution. A normal person suddenly evolves into a turkey. Too much evidence exists to think anything to the contrary.
For example. A Thanksgiving turkey eventually makes a great stew. A political turkey is always in a stew.
It usually does not take too long. If nothing is stewing in our country, this All-American turkey will whip one up in no time. The ingredients are: innuendo and rumor mixed with lots of imagination and illuminated by gas light. A politician hates nothing more than calm waters. If everything is going well in our country the political turkey panics. He fears the average person will begin thinking that politicians are unnecessary in our country. They probably are, but no politician wants anyone to think that.
There is another difference between these two turkeys worth mentioning. The Thanksgiving turkey looks good on the table. The political turkey looks for something under the table.
Whenever I hear some undercooked politician talk about political reform, I wonder what he is expecting under the table. It is just a natural reflex from being overexposed to underdeveloped political thinking. Actually, our political system is not defective. Many politicians abuse the system to their advantage instead of helping the people they serve.
Some recent studies I have read suggest there is some chemical in turkey making people drowsy. (I know what it is, I just can’t spell it.) I also know what it does to me. Nobody has to play “Turkey in The Straw” for the old Sandman to start dancing in my head.
Who hasn’t, after a big Thanksgiving dinner given way to the notorious sandman? I do not know exactly how this works, but any amount of turkey pushes the snooze button with me. No matter how stimulating the after dinner conversation happens to be, the urge to doze is beyond human resistance. In my opinion, there is nothing quite like a few quick winks and several nods following the turkey.
I do owe the recent presidential campaign a big THANKYOU. I had been suffering from a bout of insomnia. Five minutes into the first presidential debate and I was miraculously cured.
Whenever a politician attempts to convince me that he understands “my pain,” I immediately dismiss him. How can he really understand me when he has never talked to me? How can he know my pain when he has never walked in my shoes? The truth is, he can’t.
Someone does know my pain. In the Bible, an important verse brings comfort to anyone truly seeking it. "For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin" (Hebrews 4:15 KJV). That “high priest” is none other than Jesus Christ and he knows me better than I know myself.
When Jesus says he knows my pain I can believe it. The one thing we can really count on is a sympathizing hand from the Lord Jesus Christ. No recount necessary! And, he is the ultimate bailout for all my problems.
Rev. James L. Snyder