23 Jan 2010
I am not quite sure what has happened but some place has frozen over. And, for that matter, somebody is ice-skating in you know where.
I know that I have been colder in the past but I am the kind of person that does not want to look to the past. I am as forward looking a person, as you will ever find. I have no desire to compete with something that happened in years gone by. With that being said let me just say that this past week has set a new low for my body temperature.
I started shivering two weeks ago and at last count, I am still shivering. If there were some kind of record for shivering, I would come quite close to the championship. How long can a person really shiver before it takes an adverse toll on his body?
My teeth are chattering and I feel like a pirate of bygone days shivering me timbers. Let me say, my timbers have never shivered so much in my entire life.
Fifteen years ago, I moved to Florida to get away from all this shivering malarkey. Now, here I set, huddled around a space heater trying to keep warm. I am not quite sure which will last longer, the space heater or my sanity. I am thinking of suing the governor for false advertising. After all, he keeps calling it the sunshine State and I just want to see a little sunshine.
My little grey cells need plenty of warmth to operate in their accustomed proficiency. As it stands now, both of them are huddled together to keep from freezing. I am tempted to eat some ice cream really fast and give them brain freeze... but I am too cold for that.
It is not that I cannot handle the cold. I cannot tell you how many times I had to endure a cold shoulder when visiting. If I had collected all those cold shoulders throughout the years, I could start my own freezer business. So, I am accustomed to cold shoulders. To be quite honest and forthright, I have administered my share of cold shoulders. I am not boasting, mind you, but nobody can give the cold shoulder as well as Yours Truly.
Also, I have familiarized myself to the definite icy stare from the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, which is a little confusing for me. When we are out in public and she gives me the "icy stare," I know I am in hot water. I can never understand how her icy stare can produce so much hot water for me. Quite frankly, I could use some of that hot water right now.
It was about this time my wife made a comment that did not quite set well with me. Giving me one of her infamous icy stares, she cooed, "Given all your hot air I can't imagine you being so cold."
Ha ha ha ha. If it were not so frosty, I would give her a hot retort. All I can do we shiver sarcastically.
I do not know what happened but her comment jarred a few grey cells that were not frozen. I began to see a little correlation with the winter. Maybe it was just Jack Frost nipping at my nose, but I began to see a developing conspiracy.
I think I know the reason for the freezing weather we have been having. I lay the blame for all of the subzero weather at the feet of politicians. After all, the more they talk about global warming the colder it becomes.
Look at a few facts. Not too long ago there was a special conference on global warming in Washington DC. The day of the conference produced a record blizzard for the city of Washington DC. Then they go to Copenhagen and the very same thing happened there. Politicians are not too good at connecting dots.
By putting two and two together I am coming up with a politician. After all, a politician in the hand is better than trying to find one in the bush. Behind all of this freezing weather are politicians promoting global warming. The more these politicians talks about global warming the colder it gets.
I am not a rocket scientist, although I blew a cork once, but there seems to be some relationship here. Of course, I can understand where the politician gets the idea of global warming with all the hot air in Washington DC. After all, all that hot air does have an effect on the politicians.
A politician will get behind the microphone in freezing weather and pontificate on the subject of global warming. "The biggest problem," he says as though he has a thought in his head, "is global warming." His solution for global warming is, as all his solutions are, raise the taxes.
By jolly, I am getting a little hot under the collar. In fact, the more I think about this the more steamed I am.
Wait a minute! Maybe the politician is right. The more he talks the hotter I get. Maybe that is the global warming he is talking about.
I think of the promise of God gave Noah. "While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease" (Genesis 8:22 KJV).
God's promises are not just hot air.
Rev. James L. Snyder